Green ankles, not green thumbs

We have had like, negative rain down this way lately so our grass is 95% dead. Our weeds however, are thriving and crabgrass is proving itself to be the cockroach of all growing things, in that it can survive pretty much anything. For the record- I had no idea what crabgrass was until we bought our 1st house- along with a yard and a necessary lawnmower. Matt and I braved the heat yesterday because, well, see for yourself...

So after 2 hours in a heat index of 100, Matt and I worked towards this...

And both of our feet looked like this...
When I win the lottery, I'm definitely hiring someone to take care of yard responsibilities.